Remember your man
Hello my friends. I got a strong prompting to share something that has been on my mind the last couple days. I have the heart pounding, hands shaking nervous feeling sharing this, The feeling you get before you bear testimony or a give big speech.
I remember finding this blog post before having Monty. I thought I will put it aside for when I need it and really have forgotten about it until recently. I stumbled on it the other day in my phone notes after Dane and I had a really rough weekend. I can't begin to tell you how much I needed her words right now.
"Ladies, there will come a day when your husband walks in the door and you do not turn around. You will be preoccupied with filling up sippy cups and wiping booties. You will shout over the running bath water, “Hey! Glad you’re home.” But it won’t mean what it used to mean. It won’t be full of eager anticipation to spend time together. It will be full of expectations to aid in the demands of the family. “Glad you’re home,” will more properly translate, “Thank God for two extra hands to help me.” And “Praise the Lord I might get five minutes alone.”
Ladies, there will come a day when you spend every last ounce of yourselves on your children. The demands of life and the babies will come before any other priority. What little of yourself you have left at the end of the day will be used to crawl into bed before someone is awake to need you again. The thought of doing anything else after the children are asleep will sound impossible and your handsome husband’s happy smile had better mean he is willing to get up with the baby and nothing more.
The husband that once completed your heart will be just one more person who needs you. The charming things that you fell for will go unnoticed. The daily grind will become expected.
Men, there will come a time when that beautiful bride sitting next to you hasn’t showered in days. She will be at her wit’s end wearing other people’s food and poop on her clothing. She will need to hear that she is beautiful, but she won’t listen to you. She will need to know that she is still lovable, but she won’t want you near her. When you arrive home after meeting the demands of work, you will be expected to meet the demands of your family. Your wife will hear none of your exhaustion, and you will see none of hers.
Men, you will call home to ask a quick question and anticipate a two-minute conversation. Half of it will be spent listening to your wife talk to your kids. As a matter of fact, you will make it no more than a few sentences in to any conversation ever before your wife spurts out direction to your children.“Don’t climb that!” or “Don’t sit on your sister!” You will become accustomed to these outbursts, but you will forget that there was ever a time when you had her full attention.
But Ladies, when Mommy becomes your name, remember this man. Remember that you are his wife. Remember how much you love and appreciate him in this moment. Remember his dedication to your family. Remember his love and devotion to you. And then, when the days are long and you need a break, fall into his arms.
Men, remember your bride. The care and love that she has given you will soon be spilled over to your children. Her love for you will not change. Give her the grace to be enough even when she doesn’t feel like it. Remember when your days are long, hers are too. Remember her. Fall in love with her again.
Remember each other. Remember the two that made the family. Let the Lord lead you both together. Because when the days are endless and the hours short, it will only be His love who keeps you together. It will only be His mercy that gently guides your hearts as one. Hold tightly to one another, and even more tightly to the Lord. There is no greater adventure for you to experience and no greater gift than to walk through parenthood with your best friend. You are a team. Every single day.
With Dane's weird hours at work, his second job, his schooling and my job, add a newborn and a toddler to the mix and we barely ever see each other. We basically high five each other as we hand off kids and give brief updates on how many poops they have had.. this leave little time for date nights and we have definitely have a tendency to fall into roommate status.
I often think, I want Dane to speak about me to people the way the prophets and apostles speak about their wives. Like elder Packer said But I am quickly bought to humility when I think, am even I doing the things that deserve that?? I'm so far from perfect but here a few of the things that I am doing to make sure I am taking care of my husband the way I want to be taken care of.
1. Never speaking ill of him - Not to friends, not to public forums, not to coworkers, never. "just venting" will not help the problem. I always try to go to him when there is a problem.
2. Taking care of myself - This is different for everyone. Do what you need to do to feel wonderful and beautiful. When you feel beautiful you will treat people beautifully.
3. Compliment him. I try to let him know when you think he is lookin fine :). Notice when he opens the door for you or does little things. Notice the good. Compliment him on his fathering abilities, on his looks. Do your best to make him feel his best.
4. Leave little tokens of your love - notes to him, turn down the bed at night. Remember treats he loved as a kid and surprise him with them. Anything to show that you are thinking of him. It's easy to forget to do this but keep a list in your phone of his favorite things and refer to it often.
5. Taking time to learn his love language. Relearn what makes him happy and feel loved and then do my best to do those things.
6. Be his biggest cheerleader - When he has things going on his life, be there for him 100%. Put the phone down and give yourselves the opportunity and time to talk about whats going on. Help him work through problems when he needs it and just listen when he doesn't. Good or bad you are the one that he should want to turn to.
7. Arguments will arise and when they do be quick to apologize - easier said than done but I try to work on this all the time. Being right is never more important than being pals.
Like I said. I am far from perfect here, my husband and I work every.damn.day at being pals and husband and wife. But this quote reminds me the importance of not forgetting who we were before the babies came along.
“I know it is hard for you young mothers to believe that almost before you can turn around the children will be gone and you will be alone with your husband. You had better be sure you are developing the kind of love and friendship that will be delightful and enduring. Let the children learn from your attitude that he is important. Encourage him. Be kind. It is a rough world, and he, like everyone else, is fighting to survive. Be cheerful. Don't be a whiner” (Marjorie Pay Hinckley, ).
Our marriages will be what make the world a better place. I pray we can all do our best to nurture our marriage and love our sweeties. Be good to your man ladies and respect him, it is so important. It is what our children need to see.
For more love lessons that I love click here.