Rosie's Birth Story - "In God's hands"
I am sincerely over whelmed at where to even start this story. So I figured I would split it into a small series of 3.
From the beginning of this pregnancy Dane and I both felt very cautious about being too hopeful. We told our families quickly but kept it quiet from anyone else for reasons we didn't even know really. We just felt weird about announcing it premature. (oh the irony in that statement, I would change it but it's just so fitting)
July 24th - I was with my family while Dane was working. Nothing was abnormal about my body that day but around 7 PM I felt a gush of blood. I hurried to the bathroom and called my mom in. It wasn't a massive bleed but enough to be concerned about so we hurried to the nearest hospital. Getting out of the car it was evident I was hemorrhaging. I walked in to the hospital mortified (it wasn't pretty) and certain I was miscarrying. They took their sweet time entering in my information and getting me back to be seen. The woman offered her condolences and "it's all in God's hands" came out of my mouth. It is so out of character for me but I really don't think I was the one who spoke those words.
After what felt like forever (but seriously like 45 minutes WTH) they finally took me back to see the cause of all the bleeding. The ultrasound tech ran the wand over my belly and I didn't hear a heartbeat for a good 30 seconds. I was still in a good place because I truly felt whatever happened was his plan. Then I heard it. It was a heartbeat. My babies heartbeat. A good strong one. It was the first time I allowed myself to cry. Baby is ok for now. I even heard the ultrasound tech breathe a sigh of relief. the cause for the bleeding was a Sub-Chorionic Hemorrhage. I was put on light bed rest and told to follow up with my doctor.
SIDE NOTE: My doctor deserves all the awards in the world for how he made me feel through out this pregnancy and the care and attention he gave to me. He truly made me feel like I was the only patient he was seeing and cared about and for one of the busiest OB's in our area it was so refreshing. I went in and he decided I should be seen every week until the bleeding stops. So from week 8-18 I was visiting my doctor.
10 weeks of bleeding.
10 weeks of uncertainty.
10 weeks of a constant feeling that we were going to lose baby.
Every couple weeks would would have another big "hemorrhage event" where we were certain that was the time we lost baby and every time we were shocked to hear the heartbeat.
Hopes high but our expectations low we trudged through those weeks. I didn't celebrate the little body in me, I didn't want any photos of my growing bump, feeling like at any moment it would be taken away. A little bit I wish I had handled it differently. More photos, more journaling and open posts about baby girl. I completely shut down all lines of communication with the outside world and I wish I had done little more reaching out. Lesson learned.
After week 18 it was smooth sailing. No more bleeding, no more stress. Dr. Lameroux felt confident in babies growth and my body. I started to trust my body and trust that the lord wanted this baby here safely. I finally took my first bump photo at 19 weeks feeling confident-ish.